Coaching from the Edge ( of the Chair )
With almost 2 decades under the belt in this wonderful and crazy world called coaching (my first session was in 1999), Ingenius, my baby – in its late teens, has reflected on the big questions and what matters and what works when the coaching session “is in”.
The first question, implied in the above is simple – What matters and what works? Not just once or twice or with just certain people.
I have summed this up in the new tag line for Ingenius – Crave More, Demand Better. In this first blog we will be looking at the first part – Crave more.
Why is this so important? Let’s break it down.
Crave – to feel a powerful desire for something (Oxford dictionary).
Wow – a powerful desire. Ever had one of those? How was it? What were you willing to do to fulfil the desire?
If we have not eaten for days, or drank water, we become singularly focused to the exclusion of other things. Our attention is lasered on meeting our hunger and thirst. All else pales until this need is fulfilled. And then….argh, satiation!!
In coaching, and from more that 20,000 hours with people holding the deepest most intimate and vulnerable conversations, I find those who truly succeed in life have found something (or thongs) to crave for. And that can be from either a negative place (to start with), or a positive place. To get away from hunger and toward satiation.
If you are wondering, “Is this obsession?”, I can see how this might appear. These successful people who crave something can be guilty of this trait, but when you choose to desire something worthy of your attention, “balance” is not always the result, but the pay-off can be amazing. For those who do become a little “obsessed” I introduce a term I call counter balance (not balance). In short (and to be further discussed in a later blog), counter balance is having something that ensures you bring consideration to other areas of priority in your life, while maintaining the craving.
Some of the cravings I have worked with are around business and career success, health and wellness, relationships/love (including with self), financial freedom and more.
Ask yourself, what do you crave?
If the answer does not come easy, it might be time to reflect on this … and read on.
More – A greater or additional amount or degree (Oxford Dictionary).
It is one thing to crave something, but do we crave it enough?
Those who talk the talk, but don’t walk the talk – in my experience – don’t want something enough. They haven’t bridged the gap between the craving and the actions needed to fulfil them. Using our story above, they can’t really be that hungry and thirsty if they just talk about it, become the victim to it, yet do nothing about it.
Or just as importantly, are they craving something that matters. If someone who is thirsty is craving scotch or Coca Cola or those who are hungry crave chocolate or sweets, will these craving really satiate the thirst and huger or just create a sugar or alcohol dependency.
In coaching it is OK to crave more money,
more status, more holidays, more of what the ego needs. Yet, in all honesty these things are like the sugar from the Coke, chocolate and sweets or the alcohol from the scotch. You will become addicted and never know when to stop – let alone the health impact.
The truly successful people I have had the honour of sitting across from in the coaching room crave more purpose, passion, joy, connection, truth, (self) love, authenticity, health and wellness and inner peace – among others. The real things that do give a deep sense of being replenished. And they still love chocolate and a good drop of something as well (a counter balance maybe).
Now ask, what do you crave more of – in work, relationships, life and of yourself.
If craving more of what matters is a trait of successful people, what else do they do?
They demand better – the second part of the new Ingenius tag line. Read the next Blog to find out what this truly means.
